Uramutse uterese bakagutera utwatsi, menya inzira nziza wanyuramo!

Waba usaba ubucuti abakobwa bakagutera utwatsi? Sobanukirwa impamvu bikugendekera gutyo ndetse umenye n’ibyo usabwa kugira ngo ukunde ubone umukobwa w’inzozi zawe

 

Hari abasore/abahungu bamwe na bamwe basaba ubushuti  ariko ugasanga ntibikunze kubahira, buri gihe bagahora baterwa utudobo (babengwa) ariko ntibamenye impamvu ibitera ndetse ugasanga rimwe na rimwe bakurijemo no kwiheba cg se gucika integer, aho bamwe bafata umwanzuro ko nta mukobwa n’umwe bazongera gutereta cyangwa se bagakomeza gukoresha uburyo budakwiye bigakomeza kubapfana; ibi bigatuma bamwe bibaza ibibazo byinshi, harimo nko kwibaza niba ari uko nta gikundiro bafite, amafaranga  se, n’ibindi.  Burya rero ngo si ko biri kuko  uko waba umeze kose ushobora gusaba ubushuti ukabuhabwa ahubwo ngo ikibazo ni uko waba ubikora mu buryo  butari bwiza.

Dore rero inama zo gukurikiza ubundi ugasaba urukundo kandi ukaruhabwa:

Wowe muhungu/musore, igihe cyose ufashe umwanzuro wo kujya gusaba ubucuti, banza umenye ko atari itegeko ko buri mukobwa wese usabye ubucuti agomba kukwemerera nubwo wahatiriza  gute kuko bishoboka ko uwo  mukobwa yaba afite indi ncuti, afite ibindi bimuhugije cyangwa se yumva atanameze neza ku buryo yakwinjira mu by’urukundo, dore ko bitanoroshye. Rero mbere y’uko ujya gusaba ubucuti  banza umenye ko ibi byose bishobora kubaho. Mu gihe kandi bikubayeho wicika intege cyangwa se ngo ufate umwanzuro wo kubireka burundu, komeza ugerageze  kuko uwo si we wawe, uzabona undi mukobwa w’inzozi zawe.

Ngo haba hari amakosa menshi ajya akunda gukorwa n’abasore iyo barimo kwaka ubucuti ariko ntibabimenye, nyamara ngo mu gihe wabimenye ntabwo bishobora kukwangira. Niba rero wifuza gusaba ubucuti bikaguhira burya ngo gerageza kwirinda amakosa akurikira kuko wasanga ari yo mpamvu bitajya biguhira hanyuma unakurikize inama uribugirwe:

1. Ikosa  rya mbere ugomba kwirinda ni iryo kugaragaza ko utifitiye icyizere imbere y’uwo usaba ubucuti

Ngo mu gihe urimo uvugisha cyangwa se uganiriza umukobwa wumva yakubera incuti, gerageza umwereke ko wifitiye icyizere kuko ngo burya abakobwa bakunda abasore bigirira icyizere. Muvugishe wisanzuye kandi ucisha make kuko ngo numuvugisha wikomeje, umukanga,  nta cyo azakumarira. Ariko numwisanzuraho kandi ugacisha make azakwisanzuraho akubwire byinshi wifuza kumumenyaho, ari yo nzira yo kukwemerera ubucuti.

2. Irinde ikosa  ryo guhubuka umubwira ibigambo byinshi n’imitoma itagira ingano

Burya ngo abakobwa benshi ntibakunda abasore bahubuka , bakunze kugira ibigambo byinshi ndetse bakanabivanga n’imitoma mu gihe bitari ngombwa. Akenshi rero abahungu bakora ibi bagira ngo ni bwo bari bukurure abakobwa ariko burya  ngo si ko biri kuko biba bigaragaza ko ibyo bintu uvuga uhubutse bitagufasheho bityo ngo akabona ko udakomeye mu byo uvuga. Mugihe rero ngo ugiye gusaba ubucuti genda wiyoroheje (wibigira intambara), umusuhuze unamwibwire mu gihe ubona ashobora kuba atakuzi neza, umubwire n’utundi tugambo dusazwe nko kumubaza niba yaryohewe, uko ijoro ryamugendekeye, n’ibindi bitewe n’igihe, wirinde kumusaba ubucuti ako kanya, bityo ngo azabona ko uri umuntu warezwe kandi ushobora gusabana biguheshe amanota meza imbere ye.

3. Irinde kuba wamuhagarara iruhande cyangwa se ukamurindira igihe kinini  mu gihe ari kumwe na bagenzi be (abakobwa b’inshuti ze)

Iri ngo ni ikosa rikomeye rikunda gukorwa n’abahungu benshi, ukabona umukobwa ari kumwe na mugenzi we bakeneye kwiganirira utuntu twabo, na we kuko wumva wamuhora iruhande ntubahe akanya ngo biganirire. Ibi rero ngo bibangamira abakobwa batari bake aho baba babona atari ikinyabupfura cy’umuntu  wifuza ko yakubera inshuti.

Mu gihe ubonye ngo arikumwe cyangwa se ahuye n’izindi nshuti ze mubwire ko wishimiye kumubona, no kumenyana n’izo ncuti ze umusabe nimero ye ya telephone, hanyuma ubabwire  ko udashoboye gukomeza kuba hamwe na bo  kubera izindi gahunda ufite, ubasezere wigendere ubundi ukomeze gahunda zawe, werekane ko ufite ubuzima bwawe kandi uzi kubwitwaramo,  icyo wari kumubwira uzakimubwire ubutaha  cyangwa uze kumuhamagara ugeze  mu masaha ukeka ko adahuze, hanyuma na wa mukobwa usaba urukundo, azibuka ko  wamwubashye kandi ukubaha n’inshuti ze, abone ko witwara nk’umuntu ufite ikinyabupfura kandi warezwe abe yakwifuza ko wazamubera ishema no muri bagenzi be ndetse kandi ngo n’umwe bari bari kmwe azamugushimira.

4. Irinde ikosa ryo kwaka nimero cyangwa se kubaza andi makuru wifuza kumenya  ku mukobwa hanyuma ngo nurangiza uhite ujya kuvugisha undi mukobwa  na wa wundi wifuza kwaka ubucuti agihari akureba

Ibi rero ngo ni bibi cyane kuko wa mukobwa ahita abona ko nta gahunda ugira  kandi ko ukunda abakobwa benshi. Mu gihe  rero ngo umaze kumwaka numero ye ya telephone, hita ugenda niba hari na gahunda wari ufitanye n’abandi bakobwa hafi aho ube uretse, ubikore ariko yagiye ngo naho ubundi biguha isura itari nziza imbere ye hakaba nubwo  ushobora no kuza kumuhamagara ntanakwitabe kuko nta gihe cyo guta ku muhungu nk’uwo afite.

5. Wikora ikosa ryo kwiyemera imbere ye (Kumwereka ko uri umuntu ukomeye)

Usanga abasore benshi bibwira ko nibatiyemera ngo bivuge ibigwi abakobwa batari bubemere ariko ngo burya si ko biri, itondere kuba uri imbere y’umuntu wifuza kwaka ubucuti ngo  utangire kumbwira uko ukomeye, amafaranga ufite,  akazi ukora, inzu ubamo, ubwoko bw’imodoka utunze cyangwa se n’undi mutungo wawe, kuko ngo ibi abakobwa benshi  bifuza gukunda no gukundwa urukundo nyakuri atari byo baba bifuza kumenya ku ikubitiro. Ahubwo ngo jya ugerageza kuba uwo uri we, ibindi byose nubwo waba ubifite; nk’ako kazi keza n’imodoka, azaba abimenya kuko ntibigura urukundo cyangwa se ngo bibe byatuma agukunda  ndetse kandi niyo waba utanabifite irinde kwiyerekana uko uteri; icyo usabwa ni ukumwereka uko uri akagukundira uwo uri we ntagukundire ibyo ufite.

 Ngo nubwo akenshi usanga abantu benshi bibwira ko abakobwa bakunda abasore bafite ibintu ariko ngo burya si ko biri ababibakundira ntabwo baba bafite urukundo kuko ngo n’ikizabikwereka ni uko iyo yabigukundiye bikageza ho bigashira akwanga. Aha rero ngo menyako abakobwa bakunda ababereka ko bazabaha urukundo nyakuri, bakabatetesha, kuruta uko wamwereka ibintu, aha ngo icyabikwemeza ni uko ushobora kubona umusore ufite ibintu ndetse n’uburanga ari bwose  ariko ntakundwe, ariko hakaba n’ufite duke ariko ugasanga yigondeye umukobwa w’igishongore. Ibi rero ngo nta kindi bisaba uretse kwerekana ko uri umugabo nyamugabo ushobora kwifatira icyemezo runaka, ko uri umuhanga, ko ufite urukundo, ko uzamutetesha kandi ko ufite n’ubushobozi bwo kwitanga mu gihe bibaye ngombwa kuko ngo ibi ari byo akenshi abakobwa baba bifuza ku basore bumva bazagiraho ubucuti, naho ibindi bikaza ari inyongera.

Mugihe rero wowe musore uzirinda aya makosa yose ndetse ugakurikiza inama wagiye uhabwa, ngo hehe no kongera guterwa akadobo (kubengwa) cyangwa  ngo witinye utekereza ko nta wakwemera, kuko wabonye uko ugomba kubyitwaramo ubundi ukabona umukobwa w’inzozi zawe.